I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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