He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
