Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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