Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
