if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
