I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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