By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
