hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
