So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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