she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
