there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
