So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
