is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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