Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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