But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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