You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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