omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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