I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
