remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize