so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
