I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
