I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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