On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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