i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
