Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
