im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
