so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
