alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
