i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
