I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
