Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
