Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
