you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
