return my video game
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and she was petting her beer can
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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