The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize