Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
