the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
