You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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