the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize