I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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