Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
