You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
