I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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