I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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