My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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