can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
