Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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