this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize