im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
