she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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