She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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