There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We are two peas in an std pod
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We are all done wearing pants today
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
