Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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