It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
