no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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