3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
