what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
