She said her name was "party"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The air taste purple.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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