you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
