every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
