i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
