Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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