And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize