Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
