god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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