so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
