its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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