i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
