96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
