I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
