Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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