That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Life is so much better after having sex.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
