Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
