Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
