He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
