If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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