sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
