if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
