I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
