the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
