Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
