can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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