So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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