Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
