Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
