Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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