Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
