Will you blow on my dice?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
