Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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