So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize