Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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