so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
