My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Enjoy the penises
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize