hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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