does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize