I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
