I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
