The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
