FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
