I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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